Unspoken Mourning

I'm unsure which pain is worse.. the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will happen.....

It's never really an easy topic of conversation whenever we get asked about our loved ones in Heaven. It's as if we are numb when their name comes up or the story of their passing is brought up in the conversation at the dinner table. I know how hard that can be and I know you reading this blog has to lost someone that meant the world to you. It's a very disappointing feeling that makes you want to tear up and scream having to think about your Angel. I'm here to tell you that eventually it will be okay, maybe not today but eventually. I have three points of advice to my guide to the Unspoken Mourning that will help you accept and be able to live on without your Angel. It's not going to be easy and it may not work for you but It can be easier on you.

Point No. 1

Accept and Acknowledge your feelings/emotions.

What do I mean by that per say? I'm telling you that it's okay to cry whenever their favorite song comes on. If you want to be alone to listen to that song and cry and cry, do it. If you want to play that song over and over again, do that too. The more you acknowledge your feelings to your mourning process, the more easier it will be for you to hear that song again whether it be in public or by yourself and you'll be able to attack that song with some type of relief.

How about whenever an object or phrase or color or animal., etc reminds you of your angel. It's okay to cry whether it be alone or in public with friends or strangers. Don't be afraid to express yourself even if you are not alone because at the end of the day nobody truly knows what you're feeling and going through. Emotions come out of nowhere and so does mourning, so it's okay to cry when anything or anyone reminds you of your loved one. Believe it or not, whatever reminds you of them could be a way of your loved one trying to communicate with you. Don't take it as a sign of weakness that you're crying out of no where instead take it as a sign of strength within yourself to be able to see things or people and possibly not cry the next time. But crying is okay, understand that it's very well okay to do. I see it as a sign of growth on your mourning process as you should too.

Point No. 2

Journaling everything.

Journaling is such a great mechanism whenever you don't have anyone to talk too or if you simply just don't want to talk to anyone about it. You should take your journal with you everywhere you go, if you feel that's such a hassle. You can make a digital journal. I have heard that Daylio and Journey.Cloud are good platforms to use to make your own digital journal. Journaling is such a great tool for you to express yourself and you'll be able to write down everything you remember about your loved one. Such as your memories, goofy stories that you've heard from other family members so you won't forget that memory ever again, you can even print out photos and put them in your journal too. It doesn't matter how personal or dark you want to get within your journal because it's yours and no one has to read it if you don't want them too. But you also don't have to write about all that mentioned above, you can also write about yourself and how you're doing, maybe write a song or poem, or even discussing what you plan to do for the day, your long term and short term goals, recipes, and the list can go on and on. Remember whenever you journal there aren't any rules to it. You make it your own and you express yourself however you want too and however it may help you through your mourning process. Journaling is a mourning mechanism for you to be able to mourn and progress.

Point No. 3

Vent, Vent!

This is literally the most important thing for your mourning process. Communicating with your spouse, family, friends, or a counselor. Don't be ashamed to speak to a counselor. I believe counseling can help in aspects to where your family and friends can't, but that doesn't mean not to speak to your friends and family. You can pick either or.. or you can choose them both to vent to them about how you're feeling or if you just need a little pick me up advice too. I can't express how good it feels to have someone just listen to you speak and express yourself. Another option is going to the gravesite and speaking to your loved one. Letting them know how much you miss them, share your memories with them, and overall let yourself be free during that moment to let all your sadness and anger out. Venting helps so much because after you get everything off your chest you feel better and like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders type of feeling. Don't shut down on those that you confine in. When you shut down, you shut down others around you as well. They have this urge to want to help you and be there for you, so please open up and let them be there for you. This is possibly the hardest point to tackle during your mourning process, but don't worry it takes time. Just know you are not alone. If you feel comfortable with venting to me, I'm here for you. Shoot me an email and I'll be glad to hear you out!

I hope these points have been helpful for your mourning process that you have embarked on. You are not alone on your journey. As I am here right with you mourning my grandmother, my nephew, my father in law, aunts, and my good old friends from my younger years. It has been a very difficult rollercoaster for me but one thing that has held me above water are those three bullet points along with being active in the gym. If you like to workout, I suggest you go to the gym even on the days you don't feel like it. The gym gives us the room to release our anger within our workout so therefore I won't take it out on others. There will be days where you want to give up, but don't.. your loved one in Heaven wouldn't want that for you. Remember everything you do are for them and for you. Let their name live in within you and your children (if you have any). Keep celebrating their birthdays and their death date. Make traditions that you will cherish forever because its a memory of them. It will be hard and it will never get any easier no matter how much time passes. It's okay to not be okay, you have every right to feel the way you do because you lost someone forever not just for a day. You miss their smile, laugh, jokes, voice, and their physical appearance. You know when families get together again, they won't be at the family reunions anymore or parties or holidays. You see that empty chair at events wishing they were going to walk right that door so you can give them a huge smooch and hug. Suddenly, you just sit there in silence and know that they aren't' coming.... Then you start to cry... and that's what mourning looks like. Or when you are just driving on your way home from work and a song starts to play. Your heart instantly drops and you start to feel the tears start rolling down your face. You feel hot and your face is red and all you can do is wipe your tears and whisper "I love you but why did you have to leave me?" You want to know why? Because time is a thief. It waits for no one and it definitely won't wait for you. Don't forget to take pictures, write stories while they are still here, take lots of videos to keep for memories in your albums, travel with them, have bbq's or movie nights as much as you can, send voicemails and have them send you voicemails to remember their voice by, say I love you's, attend birthdays and special events as much as you can because you know they are going to be there, and never stay mad at one another ever (you'll regret it in the long run whether you admit it now or when they are gone). Cherish the time you have with your family and friends, but also live life to the fullest. You don't want to wake up one day and say to yourself, "I wish I would of spent more time with him/her" instead wake up that one day and tell yourself, "Man we made so many good memories and moments together" and then you get to check your phone to review them all over again as if it happened yesterday. Nobody ever talks about the mourning process and matter of fact ignores it all completely. Give yourself a break, everything will be okay eventually. I'm here if you need to vent...

I hope this helps to those that need it and I'm here for any questions or concerns you all may have.