Embrace your C H A N G E ;

"Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change absolutely anything" - George Bernard Shaw

This year has been such a rollercoaster of changes and emotions. I'm more than certain that everybody can attest to that statement. This year was an eye opener to change and changes that were needed to be made in order to grow as a person. I'm not much of a person to want to change and accept when changes are being made around me. I have adapted to so many changes this year and what a difficult task that has been for me. Kudos to everyone that adapts to changes and embraces them because man.. they are no fun to me sometimes. Just like there are good changes there are also bad changes too.

One of the changes that have been detrimental to me has been letting go of people. This is just heartbreaking for anyone to go through especially if you are at such a low point in your life. I'm a person that doesn't like to give up on people and continues to stick around even if it may not be a good idea for me to do so. I try to look at the best in people and ignore or avoid their flaws because of my love for them. I think sometimes my love for people exceeds their disrespect and inconsideration towards me. I ultimately made the drastic change to remove myself from people's lives that no longer seemed to value me as a person or viewed me as a valuable asset. I know what kind of person I am and sometimes I'm not an easy person to get along with. Even though, I'm not an easy person to get along with sometimes.. I have qualities that many may not have. What qualities do you bring to yourself and others around you? Take a moment to think about your qualities and if they make you stand out from others. I believe I have some wonderful qualities that make me a good wife, daughter, friend, and worker. Therefore, there is one thing that I can say about myself and others can vouch on this too is when you need me, I am always there. Despite if we are mad at each other, I don't feel up for it in that time, or whatever else could be going on.

For example, I have a very special friendship with someone very dear to my heart. She knows who she is! We were both married to military men, working at the same place, and overall had so much stuff in common. But eventually our friendship took a turn for the worst and we stopped talking for a little while because of miscommunications between us. I wouldn't say we left things on bad terms but we for sure didn't leave things on good terms either. When we fight, we fight.. lol I think it's the latinas in us! Our small argument led to us not speaking for a couple of months. One night while I was on a date night with my husband, I suddenly receive a text from her. I was a little excited but also nervous to see her name pop up in my messages because of how things were left. I immediately open the text message from her and she urgently needed a friend. In that moment, I didn't care what happened between us and decided that I needed to be there for her when she needed me. After that initial conversation between us, we were yet again inseparable from each other. To this day, she is my best friend and I consider her as a sister to me. She has never left my side and I haven't left hers either. We may have our disagreements from time to time but we know that we won't be staying mad at each other for long. We value each other as people and know we don't want to lose the friendship we have worked so hard to keep. She has her days and I have mine but one thing we understand is that differences/arguments won't break our friendship. We know we aren't perfect and we have our flaws too. Our friendship has grown and gotten better over the years because we work on our friendship everyday. A friendship is also like a job, you have to work at it each and everyday for it to grow and be successful. Our saying to each other is "be mad today but I'll talk to you tomorrow". This to me is considered a good change because we want to keep each other in our lives and we change each other for the better.

On the other spectrum we have those friendships that we dearly want to keep around but nothing has changed for the better with these friends. It's the same cycle you all are in and nothing seems to change. The same attitude, same habits, same behavior, same lifestyle, same mindset, just the same. It's a stagnant friendship and neither of you are growing and making each other better. We've had an on and off friendship our whole lives. I think it would be safe to call these "On and Off Friendships". What does that really mean? A fight erupts between you two and then you stop talking for a couple of years. Then as time passes somehow and someway you guys magically start talking again and then something else comes up to where y'all fight and then stop talking again for another couple of years. The fights are the same old fights every single time too! These type of friends aren't willing to change the way they are as a friend, they would rather hang around other people that aren't trying to be successful but complain about them being stagnant anyway. Basically, these friends don't want to embrace a change but just rather talk about it! They would rather continue this never ending cycle of fighting and then stop talking to each other. I've grasped recently that these aren't friendships that I want to keep around anymore. As for you, you too shouldn't want these friendships either. It's a tough decision because these friends are people you grew to know through out your early years and have been through some dark times. Interestingly, my stepdad told me something recently that has stuck with me ever since I heard it. He said, "real friends don't leave your life because of arguments/disagreements, real friends reach out to you during the hard times you are experiencing even if you are at odds, they stick around even if they mentally can't in that moment, real friends never leave your side and if they do they were never your real friends to begin with". After thinking about this statement, I knew I made the right decision to let go of my on and off friendships.

For example, I had some wonderful friends that I thought were going to be in my life forever. This year revealed my breaking point on keeping these friends around. My husband would always say that we were glued to each other on how much we would talk and hang out with each other. These friends have more than 10 years of friendship with me but these friends are the On and Off Friendships I elaborated earlier in the blog. I realized I didn't want to be stuck in the same cycle like we had been for the previous years anymore. I wanted more from them and I needed to understand that they couldn't provide me with more in our friendship. That was a hard pill for me to swallow, but God guided me along the way. Instead they could only provide me with the same and I didn't want the same anymore. Therefore, I made a change and stood my ground despite the pain. I found out whenever I got bitten by my dog and even more whenever my grandmother passed. I wasn't welcomed with compassion, empathy, respect, concern, or help from these friends during my dog bite and my grandmother's journey. I didn't hear from them for weeks even months during this emotional rollercoaster I was going through. My thoughts convinced me that I was going through this alone or at least I thought I was. You learn to acknowledge the people you have around you, when the bad ones start to leave your life. I had even at one point forgotten that we were still friends because of the lack of effort that was shown on their behalf. As the weeks passed by, I eventually was told that they couldn't be a good friend to me and that they wished me well and lots of love during my hard times along with Facebook likes/hearts and comments to fulfill my sadness. So they thought right? Sadly, I was so distraught by these behaviors that were being exhibited to me from people I've had in my life for more than 10 years. My first thought was how long you've known someone doesn't matter, their true colors eventually come out and they did. I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. It was something that I couldn't believe but honestly not surprised about it either. You can feel when you start to enter into the off phase of a friendship and I knew we were there already from prior encounters. Prior encounters such as the arguments were the same, no change in them being the bigger person or wanting to talk to me with respect when we would disagree on something or even wanting to put their pride to the side at least a little bit or continuing to be a petty person that they have always been during our friendship. It's like they weren't changing or growing as a person within themselves so how could they grow and be a better person and friend to me? These behaviors were just a confirmation to where we were headed in our friendship. All I could think was how they made their bed and now I couldnt lay in it anymore. I told myself that I wasn't going too allow this behavior towards me anymore so I didn't and walked away. You too shall walk away, things don't change unless they want change. This by far has been such a difficult decision to have made this year, but it was a change that needed to be made. It was made easier for me to let go of these people because I knew there was no longer respect and desire to want to mend our friendship. God was laying everything right in front of me without any words needing to be said, it was strictly all actions that made my discovery of removal clear and firm. It may have not been the most reasonable course of action taken on my behalf but I was okay with how I handled it during the time. I hold myself 100% accountable for not having handled it in a more mature approach but the change had already been made and there was no turning back. I will use this experience as a learning lesson for the future and be able to continue to grow for the better and become a better friend. I wanted these friendships to work on so many levels but I knew that keeping them around was no longer the smart choice. I had to understand what my stepdad told me and acknowledge friends don't abandon you during your hard times if they really were your real friends. I rolled with that and stood on my change even if it was painful. You as well will have to make some difficult and painful decisions for your wellbeing. You matter too, your feelings too. You deserve what you put out and you will find those people that will do what you do and more. Do not settle for these friendships, learn your worth! I consider this a good change with a sprinkle of bad but very needed change.

Another component of change that tends to happened is in Marriage/Relationships. This is also a topic that can be characterized as a good or bad change or maybe even both depending on how you view it. Making changes within my marriage has also been very difficult too. Making changes within your marriage/relationship is a trial and error process. We really don't know if it was a good idea for the change or if it was a good choice because we corrected a bad change. You will decide whenever you make the changes within your relationship/marriage and see what works for you both. Each marriage and relationship is different with different obstacles and boundaries.

For instance, my husband and I have always had toxic people around us that eventually affect our decisions within our marriage. We have slowly started to acknowledge this and one by one have removed those things and people that could damage our marriage. This could be difficult if it's family and close friends that need to be changed but ultimately we choose us against anyone else. As you all should as well, your marriage is sacred and should be protected. Another change we have enacted is how we communicate with each other. We would always yell at each other and communicate when we were mad. We decided to try another approach and has been more effective. We have changed staying mad at eachother before leaving for work and making sure we give each other a kiss before leaving. We try to never stay mad at each other for long periods of time because we know how precious life is. You only live once and cherishing your partner and life is number one priority for us. We stopped taking each other for granted. These small changes have made our marriage 10x better. The only bad changes that have been done is when family conflicts are involved into these difficult decisions of change. These are nothing but good changes that I consider to be needed for marriages/relationships to work.

Another example, is when you are trapped into a bad relationship and start to exhibit the same bad habits as your toxic spouse. I know so many people that are stuck in toxic relationships due to their kids, financial issues or lack of motivation to move on from their spouse. They change to accommodate the relationship but not for the better. They continue to stay in the relationship even though that person is not good for them or sometimes for the kids too. The love is still there but the love isn't a healthy love. Their spouse is either on drugs, alcohol, doesn't help much around the house or with the kids, doesn't want to put effort into the relationship to change and become better, doesn't want to change to become a better version of themselves, or just overall stagnant in their life. This stagnation from a spouse brings isolation and increases depression towards the other spouse and kids. Which all of these things can take a toll on someone that wants to better themselves and do better. They stay because of the kids or because they believe they won't find anyone else. They live in this toxic cycle of living in the same routine and accepting the same toxic patterns within the relationship. Such as, the toxic spouse makes demands of change that will occur if they continue to stay, they make a minimal effort for a few weeks but return to the same spot where they were to begin with and the list can continue until I turn blue in the face. This is considered a bad change to me because one person is left with accommodating the other even if it's not healthy for them to do so.

Another example, is you get married young or start a relationship with the wrong person. You have tried everything in your power to make it work but it's killing you mentally and emotionally to continue to be in this marriage/relationship. You are afraid to make a change because you have no clue if it's a good idea. Eventually, you get fed up with the marriage and get divorced at a young age. Maybe you are now young and divorced or maybe you are young, divorced, and a single parent. Or maybe you are just a single parent and now single. Regardless of your status, you have made a significant change to better yourself and your mental status. You ignore the unwanted opinions of those that told you to stay and make it work. You focus on yourself and children to become someone that your kids and you yourself can look up too. You don't care about anyone else's feelings expect for yours. That is a good change for you and your kids no matter how difficult it may be to see in the beginning.

LAST BUT NOT LEAST. You. You change too. Whether you see it or not, you do. You are changing every single day. How have you changed? Do you still like the same things that you did back in college or high school? If you don't then you have changed your outlook on those things! Sometimes we don't appreciate or value the things we did back then and make a change to what we value now. I for instance valued my friends back then way more than my spouse. Now I can say my friends aren't valued more than my spouse. I use to always want to go out and party with my friends to where I couldn't remember the next day. Now I appreciate my nights at home with my dogs and husband watching scary movies and having some wine and cookies! We all change and mature every single day and that's why we need to continue to change. Changing makes me feel good even though I hate it sometimes. It's okay to feel indifferent to change, I too still question it. I just want better and change is where that will happen for me. Do you want to grow and change? If so, take some time to think how much you've grown from high school to now. Do you still do the same things? If so, maybe consider those things and what they bring to your life.

The moral of the blog is you will never see how good a change is until you do it. Changes are nothing but trial and error and lots of risks involved. In order to grow and become better in this life; in your life change is a must. You learn to adapt to changes and grow with them. Even if you don't want to make the change, it will come whether you asked for it. God works in mysterious ways for us to endure change and guides us on how to handle them head on. Do not be afraid of change and don't try to avoid it either.

Make those changes and learn how to EMBRACE YOUR CHANGE!