Mi Abuelita. Una Gran Senora.

Truly, where do I even start?

In February, my dad and I decided that since my grandmother was going to turn 90 years old we had to throw her a huge birthday bash to celebrate the time we had left with her. We would have never guessed that it would be this soon, but it was and there was no way to actually mentally prepare yourself for it no matter how hard you tried. I had plans to head to Mexico (for the party) on April 15th (Friday). I was shopping for dresses to wear and getting ready for our departure that week. I was going to bring my grandmother some treats because she always had a sweet tooth and I was super excited to bring her some cookies from this bakery in McAllen that were delicious.

April 9th, Saturday morning, my father calls and lets me know that my grandmother wasn't doing too well and that she had a troubling night. I could feel the panic in his voice which made me also suddenly panic but I kept my cool. I knew that my grandma was going to pull through like she always did. I went about my day and followed up with my father later that day and everything seemed to be okay. Until Sunday morning crawls around and again my father calls and lets me know that my grandmother isn't doing too well and last night was horrible. As I'm leaving the gym, I hear in his voice that maybe this time is for real. After I hang up the phone with my dad, I felt this pain in my stomach that made me want to throw up, and then I suddenly felt a lump in my throat trying to hold back the tears. As I'm sitting in the car with my husband driving to a red light he notices that I couldn't control myself and asked me to pull over so he can drive. I then received another call from my father with the pain in his voice as he was trying to hold back his tears and states. "Mija, I think your grandmother is ready to leave and won't make it for her birthday party so come now.." As I hear those words come out of my father's mouth I instantly break down. My husband can see a part of me was gone and he then knew that our lives would change right there. The 14 min drive home felt like hours, and the rush to hurry home to get my flight to Mexico felt like an eternity. In my mind, I knew my grandmother would be departing faster than I could make it home. I felt a knot in my stomach knowing I was so far away and wouldn't/couldn't be able to get to her in time.

We finally arrive home. I instantly head upstairs to get on the computer and start looking for flights to purchase. My father again calls and lets me know it's time. I couldn't believe it but I request to see my grandmother one more time via facetime because I knew in the back of my head I wouldn't be there in time. I knew I had to say goodbye before it was too late. My father calls me on facetime and when I tell you that my heart sank. MY HEART SUNK TO THE GROUND. Words don't do justice to how I felt, just seeing her lay there made me want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I instantly start expressing how much I love her. The tears are rolling down my face, I start to catch myself that I wasn't talking anymore. I was yelling, I wanted her to hear me and know that I wanted to be there to say goodbye. I took for granted the time I had with her because I thought I had more time, but I didn't and the hard truth was that she was exiting after I got off the phone with her. Her fragile body lay lifeless on the bed and her personality had disappeared. All I could do was cry and cry. I asked myself why does death enter too such a good person?? I'm guessing that's why I was so heartbroken? I was so excited to be able to see her beautiful smile and that opportunity was taken from me in an instant.

I'm sitting at my computer and see a flight for 7:00 pm and reserved my seat immediately. I started to pack with tears rolling down my face just praying to God to let me get my chance to say goodbye in person. I finally finished packing and I then now found myself waiting for any news. My father calls back and lets me know that she's improving and to cancel my flight? For some reason, in his voice, It didn't sound promising that she was improving but I canceled my flight anyway? I had to be rational within myself. I was praying she would last until Friday the 15th but what happened next was something I couldn't dare accept.

I'm sitting on the couch downstairs until I receive a call from my dad stating he is on his way to retrieve an oxygen tank for my grandmother. I now feel a little at peace that she is improving and everything would actually turn out okay right? No the case.

I get a call from my father and the silence with so much PAIN after he said, "Angela, mijita, tu tu tu Abuelita died.."

When I tell you my world came crashing, it did. My heart felt like it broke a little. All the memories started entering my brain. I instantly fall to the ground in the middle of my living room and start screaming at the top of my lungs for my grandma. My two dogs come running down the stairs and behind them comes my husband. My husband grabs me and he knows what it feels like to lose someone that meant the absolute world to you. I knew the coming days would be something that I wouldn't be able to even grasp. It's now three hours later and I call my dad to check in on him. He lets me know that he's right there with grandma before the morgue comes and picks her up. I don't know why but I asked to see my grandmother one more time. He calls and I pick up to see my grandmother. She appeared so cold, her body was now purple and green but she looked so peaceful? All I could do was cry but deep in my heart, I was happy that she was no longer suffering anymore. But then I was also being selfish because I didn't want her to leave?

My grandmother Frances Escamilla (Panchita) was called to eternal rest on April 10, 2022.

The memories are all I have left now. I'm going to miss our summer vacations together. I would always remember whenever I would get on her bed for bedtime she would always get mad because my feet were dirty and she would literally put me at the end of the bed and start cleaning my feet with a rag that she would put water and soap on. We would also have our dance and singing parties whenever my dad would go to work. She was a spectacular grandmother and I was lucky to have her as my grandma.

Abuelita te amo y te extrano. Yo se que un dia te vere y te dare un fuerte abrazo.